The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
– George Bernard Shaw
We’ve all been communicating since we were babies… why is it that sometimes we just can’t get our message through? People read us wrong, miss out on key points, take offense where none was intended, or don’t hear the importance of our message. And then there’s the problem of how to give someone feedback without their becoming defensive. Why is communication so difficult? We also begin the discussion below and will expand on it in future blogs.
Barriers to communication include:
- Everyone is in a hurry, and many people don’t really listen.
- Some people are very defensive… or offensive.
- Some people are long-winded … others barely speak.
We have identified three core strategies for successful communication:
- Recognize that people have different communication styles and adapt your communication to better connect.
- Listen strategically – listen to get the full picture AND to demonstrate that you’re actively listening.
- Give feedback that really is constructive and is well received.
We need to recognize and honor that people have different communication styles. Some of this comes from cultural difference and some from personality differences. We’ve developed a tool that sorts people into 4 different styles. Once you understand your own style, you need to adapt to each of the other styles to make sure you successfully connect with people you are talking with. We’ve done a number of blogs on these T.E.A.M. Communication Styles™ and have more information about it on our website. This is mostly personality driven, but it also can reflect different cultural norms.
The key with both of these differences – culture and style is to stop and reflect. If you’re talking with someone and you don’t seem to be connecting… step back and consider – are you cross talking styles or could there be cultural differences that are obscuring the communication? If you don’t know… ask! ”It seems like we’re having trouble communicating. Is there anything I’m doing that’s making it difficult for you?” or “It seems like we’re having trouble communicating. Is there something I can do differently to help us communicate better?” Even if you’re sure you’re being totally clear, the other person isn’t getting your message, so there’s probably something you could do differently to help. It’s always more helpful to point to yourself first – it helps reduce defensiveness and increase trust – two key factors for successful communication. Another approach would be to ask: ”It seems like I’m not successful in getting my ideas across or in fully understanding yours. Could you help me out by letting me know what you are hearing me say?” Don’t insult people by saying, I don’t think you’re getting my message, can you tell me what you heard? Instead, own it as your problem and ask for their assistance. You get the same response with less defensiveness.
We’ll address strategic listening and constructive feedback in future blogs.