Trust arrives on foot and leaves on a jet
(Updating of a 19th century Dutch quote)
I used to say you can earn trust by doing what you say you will, always! And if you find you can’t, notify in advance or apologize, always!
I found out that’s not good enough. You have to do what the other person thinks you said you’d do! So it’s not just your actions, but how these actions are perceived or interpreted by the other person.
Here are two examples of how behavior can be misinterpreted:
- A new supervisor met with an employee who was complaining about some of the difficult customers they had to work with. The supervisor met with the customers and ironed out the issues. The supervisor was trying to show how he could help the team by taking on some of their tough challenges. The employee felt totally undercut. He was venting, not asking to be rescued.
- A new team member spent time getting to know others on the team, thinking this would build strong work relationships. The other team members viewed the new member as a slacker, talking instead of working.
Since the key to building trust is doing what the other person thinks you said you’d do, and most of us are not mind readers, clear, confirmed communication is essential. At the end of every conversation where decisions or commitments are made, or plans are developed, be sure you ask the other person to summarize in some detail, what their understanding is of the decisions. Ask questions or clarify to be sure you are both on the same page. This is critical where trust is low, and it’s also important to maintain trust where it exists. Remember, trust can be lost in a second and can take years to fix.
Listening is the key to so many good supervisory actions and building trust is no different. It’s vitally important to listen to your staff’s perceptions of the work place. It doesn’t matter if they’re right or wrong. Perceiving is believing and how they see it is how they believe it to be. You can’t argue with them, but you can inform and educate them. Before you start talking, make sure you fully understand how they see things – their perceptions, and how they’d like things to be – their expectations.
Once you hear this, then feed it back to be sure you got it right. Summarize it in your own words without judging it. Once you’re sure you have it right, then find the pieces you agree with – there’s always at least some small element you can support. Share that, and then using the word AND, not BUT – this is critical! continue on with some information that the other person may not have or with perceptions they may not have seen. Email me for sample dialogues using this “yes/and” approach to correct misperceptions or influence unrealistic or unreasonable expectations.