Difficult people are highly skilled at pushing your buttons. They often push buttons you didn’t even know you had! So the first step is get to know yourself. Think about what gets you rattled, angry, frustrated, discouraged. You can dig deeper into why that is and try to find a way to resolve it, but for now, let’s deal with what is.
These things happen and you get agitated. Begin to notice where in your body/mind the negative experience begins – a tightening in your stomach, an ache in your head, feeling flushed, rapid heart beat… etc. For most of us there’s an initial sensation that then spreads more broadly till we’re fully engaged with the negative emotion.
It’s easier to manage this if you catch it early, so spend some time noticing your reaction, and tracing back to the initial sensation.
At whatever point you become aware of this negative reaction, here are some steps to take to bring yourself back to center. (In no particular order and doing 2 or 3 is often helpful. Pick the ones that work for you.)
Take a deep breath, as you breathe in, fill your lungs slowly, gently and fully. Think about peacefulness, healing energy, calming/healing white light, a walk in the woods, a day at the seashore – whatever brings you peace. Hold it a beat and slowly let it out. Exhale fully and as you do, feel the negative energy leaving with your breath, leaving you calm and centered (or at least a little more calm and centered!)
Go for a quick walk – walk rapidly, take the stairs, take the long way around. Physical exertion can help defuse tension. Combine it with deep breathing and you’ll get an even better result!
Take a break and go outside if the weather is decent or find a quiet place away from everyone. Close your eyes, envision a peaceful scene and take some deep breaths. You’ll feel better when you get back.
Go talk to a friend – in person if possible, by phone if not, or even texting can be better than sitting in it by yourself! Venting really helps. Let your friend know you don’t need any advice or problem solving (at least at this point), you just want to vent… and then let it rip!
If you can’t leave the scene, remember what we learned in kindergarten – count to 10 and take a time out. It really helps! Anything to interrupt the negative trip we’ve begun. As you count to 10, breathe deeply and slowly.
If you have to respond quickly because the difficult person has just thrown you a challenge to respond to… start by summarizing what they’ve said and then share how you’re feeling. These are easy responses and buy you some time before you have to respond to the specifics. If you’re still not calm, suggest that you’d like to pick this conversation up later in the day when you’ve had time to “think about it some more” (and really time to try the other techniques above to regain your equilibrium!).
I hope you find some of these helpful! Let me know.
Also, let me know what your strategies are for dealing with your own emotions. alan@kriegersolutions.com