Understanding and working with the elements of Emotional Intelligence gives you skills that make difficult interactions easier in the work place (and elsewhere).
Last issue we looked at self-awareness as an element of EQ. The second element of EQ is self-regulation – or the ability to control and manage your impulses and emotions. When this is not fully developed, it can lead to mistakes or can damage relationships with colleagues or clients. Meltdowns are dramatic, and are unfortunately much more memorable than day to day calm communication. Today we’re going to briefly look at what creates the conditions for “instant meltdowns”.
There are some specific aspects of our brain structure that contribute to impulsive responses to the words or actions of others. When visual and auditory stimuli reach the brain, they go to the amygdala before reaching the prefrontal cortex. The amygdala is a more primitive part of our brain, the part wired for detecting threats and activating the “fight, flight or freeze” responses that have been part of our human physiology since humans have been on the planet. While this was once vital to our survival, it can interfere with our functioning in today’s world where threats are often less immediate in nature.
Daniel Goleman coined the term “Amygdala Hijack” to describe this phenomenon. Any strong emotion – anxiety, anger, joy, or betrayal – trips the amygdala and can short circuit the prefrontal cortex – or the thinking part of our brain. The prefrontal cortex controls self-regulation and when it gets short circuited, we lose control over our emotions.
The power of strong emotions can overwhelm rationality. That is why when we are emotionally upset or stressed, we can’t think straight. When the amygdala is triggered into that primitive survival response, the body and brain are flooded with stress hormones, and we are ready to fight or flee. When neither response is appropriate, we melt down. And because stimuli reach the amygdala before they get to the frontal cortex, where “reason” resides, when a person is overtired, highly stressed or feeling overwhelmed, this makes an outburst, meltdown or other impulsive response much more likely. A meltdown can be an external explosion, or an internal implosion where we direct our anger at ourselves, or swallow our anger due to fear. Either way, we are not thinking rationally, and when hijacked, generally make poor decisions.
“Self regulation” in this case, can be as simple as remembering to pause and take a breath before responding to what is coming at you. From self-awareness we learn to recognize triggers that activate the amygdala and through self-regulation learn to shift from “fight or flight” to “thoughtful response”. This self-management skill is a leader’s ability to be aware of what they are experiencing as another set of information to track, and then be able to accept, manage and adjust to their emotions. This can prevent miscommunication, regrets and wondering “What was I thinking when I said that?”. There is great power in practicing “the pause”.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
~ Viktor Frankl
If you have questions about this or would like some additional tips and strategies to short circuit the amygdala hijack, please comment below. Be sure to check out our next blog on strengthening your empathy.