Why do you listen? Most people will respond: to hear the other person’s message or to get information.
A strategic listener, listens one level deeper: We listen to build a connection. This is essential if you want to build strong collaborative relationships with the people you work with and/or supervise.
In our busy, non-stop world… it’s becoming rare to have someone fully and deeply listen to you without glancing at their phone or computer, or interrupting to tell you their view of things. Deep listening is a gift that others appreciate. It makes them feel respected and appreciated, helps relieve stress and feel more supported, and can give them confidence and they feel more empowered. All from just deep listening!
An extra bonus is that by listening deeply you fully hear the other person’s message, which most of us otherwise miss some pieces. Sometimes listening means just being quiet, maintaining eye contact and nodding as needed. Sometimes it involves asking questions to get more information.
Even when we want to listen deeply, our email or phone pings, or our monkey mind bounces in several distracting thoughts and we’ve lost the connection. It can be very difficult to maintain focus while quietly listening.
Here are some tools to help tame the monkey mind, ignore the phone and listen strategically. As you listen:
1. Commit to periodically paraphrasing what the other person says through their words and body language. This will encourage you to pay close attention and most people really appreciate this proof that you’re really listening and hearing
2. Ask questions such as:
- Can you tell me more about that?
- What do you think you’re going to do about it?
- What more do you need to find out?
- How do you think this will work out?
- Are there other ways to approach this?
3. If they are talking almost non-stop, you can ask questions to yourself. Questions can consider:
- Why is this topic important to them?
- What do they hope to accomplish by talking about it? Are they venting, looking for advice, wanting to share information with you? (each of these requires a different response, so don’t assume, check it out!)
- How does this connect to other discussions you’ve had with them?
- How can I be most useful to them?
By remaining attentive and engaged, you will be more likely to fully hear the other person’s message and get accurate information. Just as important, the speaker will feel very good about you as a listener and colleague or supervisor. This will strengthen your relationship and if you are in a leadership role will make the other person more likely to follow your lead and go the extra mile.